Atalist's Dungeon

Grow up you pathetic little child See your arrogance in full view. You hurt everyone you love everyone you once knew. You called a lot of people friends, but they are now long gone. because you got tired of their way, and had to get what you want. It isn't enough to hurt your friends, family is important too. To hurt the ones you love with your bile, and physically hurt them too. Grow up little child, I am sick of your shit. I am done with your pathetic antics... This time it's you I quit.

It has been 19 years and I vaguely remember the day, I remember my father giving me the news and thinking of how sad he was. All I could do was hug him and think of his loss. It didn't hit me until later of what I lost as well. I lost a grandfather who was kind and endearing. In that instant I thought of my dad as someone who needed consoling, not me. December 6th 2004 It finally hit me of what I had lost as I lost again. Two grandfathers gone in december... and everyone wonders why I am not a fan of winter...

Tis the season to be merry and yet I have lost my merriment somewhere. Maybe it left with the snow as the rain swept across the province, or maybe it has vanished with my dying grandmother. I just can't seem to gain the perspective of a child for christmas. I have lost my excitement and rush... I miss the spontaneous rush of meeting new people, Of getting out and enjoying the company of others. I want to fly and yet I feel like my wings have been clipped. I need to find my home. My happy again.

It's late and I probably should be sleeping, I can't explain the empty feeling I feel. It cuts through me... like the silence of the bodies in this apartment. I just need to feel and to feel more than existing. All I have done in weeks is school and worry about others. Things are going to change. I am not worrying about other peoples problems. In the silence I figured things out I have set myself free.

I am so stressed out. I have writer's block. I have never had this. I can write here but not the mandatory papers I need to write. SHIT!

i haven't posted since the summer, and admittedly school will do that to you. I am busy and trying to get things done School, papers, planning It's all tied into one busy year. I am going to make a commitment to write a least once a week now so feel free to follow me... I am going to post one of my favourite songs on here that has been getting me through My love, leave yourself behind Beat inside me, leave you blind My love, you have found peace You were searching for release You gave it all into the call You took a chance and You took the fall for us You came thoughtfully Loved me faithfully You taught me honor You did it for me Tonight you will sleep for good You will wait for me, my love Now I am strong, you gave me all You gave all you had And now I am home My love, leave yourself behind Beat inside me, leave you blind My love, look what you can do I am mending, I'll be with you You took my hand and added a plan You gave me your heart I asked you to dance with me You lo...

the song cuts through me like a knife, down to my very core. I sway to the melody, letting it carry me through every rise and fall. It melds into me and becomes apart of who I am. Every beat and whisper confounds the fundamentals of who I am. with every new song a stir and a change.

I am full of urge and desire, My empty bed, my weary heart aches. Love is not within my reach at the moment... but soon. It's the trees that reach for the sky and cannot reach the clouds. The sun is a comfort and the moon is a threat. the proclivities of the day pose threat to wanton desires. to challenge ones self with the unknown and the possibility can cause pain and doubt and yet, "What if" is the question that most of us are compelled to try to answer. In it's simplest form, "what if" can crumble foundations and grow the eye of the storm.

I have a need, I am craving drastic intervention My everyday life is now one of seclusion and that merely will not do. I want to branch out and explore, to delve deep into the mysteries of my surroundings and take hold. My joy would be to push limits and expel the very boredom that confounds me now. It isn't enough to just say these things, I will do them. Nothing in the verse can stop me!