Atalist's Dungeon

I get ready for work. A ritual daily. I feel exhausted already. Why does this feel like pulling teeth. When I get there I enjoy myself. Its just the process of getting there. Up early to get there early The people I work with are amazing. Each one is different and fun. I learn from each of them. A new thing to learn from an experienced player. I am the young pup, but I catch on quick. I clean, I come home filthy. hands unrecognizable. black, blue and yellow. Coated in many shades. I can't wait for the water, the warm water to clean me up. Take away the filthy and cleanse me. Clear my head from what feels like will be a long day.

I haven't heard from you in awhile. At least it feels like forever. I wonder about you. What have you been up to ? what are you doing right now? I wonder. Why haven't you phoned. You clearly care about me, yet you haven't proven that in a little while. am I in your thoughts? I wonder if you think about me. all these questions, just float. I am feeling all of these things, I know you do not. I feel too much. I feel Everything around me. missing you, The heat, the coolness outside... my horomones raging. Everything.

I miss you, I always say this. However I truly do. What more can I say. You make my heart ache when you aren't here. I cry at random because we cannot hold each other. Stupid horomones. There are so many things I wish to tell you. So many things I can't. Its a beautiful day and the sun is shining. I wonder how you would feel today. I said it before but there are no other words to express how I feel. I miss you and love you. Nothing will change that.

Ophelia opens her eyes, She awakes to a beautiful day. She knows not of what this day brings. Silently she pulls herself from her bed. Every movement is for someone else. She is Crazy to be in Love. and In love to be crazy. The sun shines down on her. She does not know tonight will be the end. All she can think is of her beloved. I wonder if Juliet knew what her day would bring... As she awoke that morning. did she know of her fate? Do any of us? Ophelia and Juliet, sisters in tragedy. plucked from the mortal coil. for what reason? Love. Can anyone live without their beloved? two out of two shakespearean characters disagree. Proven by their actions, by fall and by blade. The sacrificial lambs to the slaughter. How beautiful and horrible that is...

I cannot pretend they are ok. Right now, its not in the cards. I sit here wondering why? How I got here and how do I get back. Maybe I am just imagining things, but choices have been made. I see them and it makes me sad. Knowing is the hardest part. The first cut stings more than the last. I have been cut again, but i know I can make it through this. I have been through worse right? so much to figure out so much to resolve. Time, I have plenty of it. concentrate on the good, focus, just focus. Yeah, because that will get me through. Cynicism will not help me. Gotta make it on pure talent. aware, I feel oddly aware.

thinking about what you are doing, how you are and what you are thinking. I imagine you are well, but I don't know for sure. I picture you lying in bed cocooned in blankets, but I am not there. I cannot see. I wish I could. To simply watch you and enjoy your bliss. or to join you. curled up beside you. kinda like that cat that just won't leave you alone. just wants your affections. I know that I have them, I just can't see. Being blind and distant to your thoughts and feelings. time and space separate us. I wait for the day I can open my eyes and see you To not have to imagine. to just be in wonder of what is in front of me.

Its a beautiful day outside, and I am looking for the clouds. The sun is shining, and I am waiting for the rain. It's not going to rain, or be cloudy. I know this yet, I can't help but wait for it. My entire life has been waiting for a storm to happen. Usually they come. I look to my feet in the grass, feel the ants crawling over my feet. Business stops for no one. Life carries on. Yet I cannot help but stand here and doubt. There must be something perpetually wrong with me. Am i that jaded? The sun is shining and I can feel it on my skin. I wait for the red and the hurt, but it doesn't come. Not yet. So much waiting for things to happen. I decide to move, i lift my feet and run... not exactly sure where I am running to at this point. I hurdle the fence blocking me in. I keep running, I run to the lake... keep running until it touches my harden feet. The cool releases my thoughts. I can think now, I don't have to wait. Thinking and feeling without consequence. I look up...

Sore and angry, I did a good deed, look how far that got me. I awoke today disappointed. Disappointed that my company is gone, disappointed in that all I have left is pain and resentment. Not at my guest of course, but at a child. people say that you can't help a child's nature, however they can hurry the fuck up and learn. Learn what is necessary for them to be an adult. There are times where I feel it is necessary to rise above, but yesterday was not one of them. Today isn't looking good either I am not sure how this day will go, but it is off to a shaky start.