Atalist's Dungeon

Can I not have happiness? the moments that I am happy seem to throw the world off its axis does the mere thought of my happiness mean impending doom?! I was happy today, Things change like the weather, instantaneous. I wish nothing could touch me, No one, No thing... I was almost blissful, Now I am back to fighting for where I want to be. Offer yourself up on a silver platter, only to be sent back to the kitchen. Its the way this world works. Maybe I am jaded, but I am a product of my environment.

We have a place, a space where we fit. There are many who like to fit outside the box. There is a place for you... People who long for originality, and yet are a carbon copy of the person next to them. They long for the same thing, There is a place, space for them too. So many people lack an original thought, and yet I don't blame them. People have inhabited the world for years, It is inevitable that someone has thought exactly what you have before you. A place, space and face for everyone. We are just bound and bonded to the history that we feel we have outgrown. The saying its in the past should hold more reverence. For in the past we are shown that original thought was present. The modern era is where it has been laid to rest. A place, space, face, ineptitude of grace... this is where our society lies.

rhythmic, transient sounds wake me. I am whole and renewed. I am not hurt and I feel safe, yet there is something more that i feel. I am trying to rectify that. Rather an absence of emotion. I haven't felt this in a long time, This lack lustre love feeling is vacant from my body. I know you don't want to hurt me and yet, its inevitable everyone hurts everyone. I know who I am hurting and I am doing quite a marvelous job. There are no deals I can make that will change anything. Its all going to come to fruition sooner rather than later. If I could save you from this I would, I would run miles, Try to make a deal with god... But I can't. You will see eventually. Right now this is all just words to you. Someday, someday soon you will see.

A beautiful moment, caress here and touch there... Intimate yet rough. There is so much sentiment there. Unspoken reverence. I am not sure where to go here, yet I don't care. I still claim myself and my independence as my own. No one shall lead me asunder.

I ache in remembrance of what it feels like to be touched. Lips and skin a distant memory. I long for it , that sensual thrill coupled with anticipation of whats to come. I ache, I feel and I remember you.

The snow is falling. Canvasing the outside with white. It was long ago that I felt that majestic feeling, A year ago precisely. Where the beauty of the landscape took my breath away. The world innocent and beautiful. Persephone sleeps in peace. Her vast amounts of green lay dormant beneath a diamond like sheen. The full moon crystallizes my lawn. A sparkling night, a glorious night. I take the walk down my road. Tree branches that normally reach to the heavens, are weighed down by the blanket of snow. Stars upon stars perfect their craft. A clear night, a breathless night. The wind howls like the wolves in the nearby forest. I breathe and see a ghost escape my lips. It is the very warmth escaping, taking the cold deep within me. I look around and see movement in the shadows, a doe quietly searching for food. our eyes meet. We understand each other in that silent moment. I continue on my walk down the wooded driveway. Lights are out, The world as we know it lays in deep slumber. All tha...

Twist me and spin me round, Dance with me and watch me turn. Shake me, move me with your creativity. I sway and believe in the things you say. I talk and words flow from me naturally. you take them away with your clever banter. you steal my breath and manipulate my smile. coy you may be, yet cunning is your ambition. Rugged you say, I will agree. Yet I have known no rugged man to be clever. An anomaly you are. A fundamental predicament. Gingerly I take one step forward. compelling I take a leap of faith. Trust isn't given by me lightly, Hear me, see me and smile. For I am someone you will be happy to know.

I am falling to pieces, waking in the discord of my thoughts. it hurts to breathe right now, for I know what actions I have to take. Its not an easy task I have, nothing that needs to be done could ever be considered easy. that isn't the way that life works. Sadness fills me, I contemplate where the winds of change are blowing me, Like the gentle leaves falling from their trees, I come back to earth. I lay and await the spring. When the winds of change will surely right what has turned to be very wrong.

old friends, a good book and a new pair of shoes, all the things that make me smile. Random moments and spontaneous encounters, a giggle here and a smirk there. No expectations, merely just a good time. spending time is more than just spending it. It is investing it. I have a vested interest. old friends, a good book and a new pair of shoes. All the things that can get you through a bad day.

Lusting, Wanting and craving. Things that cannot be controlled easily. There are moments where these things sneak up on me. Knowing is the first step to controlling yourself, and yet I don't want to control these urges, I want to let them loose. See what trouble I can get myself in. I know this is a terrible way of thinking, but I cannot help myself. I want someone to touch me, to feel me move and be excited by that. To kiss to touch to feel, to let my mind go and my body take over. To enjoy the company and let him enjoy me for a change. Breathing quicken and heart rate race. To feel that primal connection, and to be lost in the moment. To freeze everything around me and just feel, Feeling the sensations building, losing myself and just taking it in.... opening my eyes to the reality, the real truth. I am a woman with womanly needs.

I am going places, not necessarily the places people want me to go, but I am traveling there. I am making my way, cutting my path through history and building upon my life. How brilliant it is to decide where I am going. What I am going to do and the path I will take. exhausting and stressful are the two words that equate. my life is about to change. For the good. University here I come.

my soul is tired, worn from its travels. I have been through my rounds, grief, death, love and tragedy. My soul is tired, I go through all of the pain, sadness, and emotions. My soul is tired, I will be put through more, happiness, triumph and strife my soul is tired, but I am unfinished and therefore my soul and I must carry on.

I tear at my heart, with fresh pain brings fresh scars. its the abuse of ones gravitational pull. I look up to the sky and a fresh group of clouds move in across my sunny skies, All I long for is the happiness I deserve. It seems like a tall order, I think that mr. perfect is out there, I am just not sure I have recognized him yet. Is it supposed to be love at first sight because that seems morose. Love isn't like that. That type of love is unrealistic, it is a story, the example to the rule. Lately I just seemed to be the epitome of the rule. For once I want to be an example, To prove to people that happiness can come to anyone, even the most depraved of it. For once I look to the stars and unleash the power of my belief on them Please, let me finally receive what I am seeking. hear my pleas and show me how to find what i require. my hearts true desire.

I feel my temperature rise, my heart rate quicken. I am losing my pace, my rhythm. This is a hard thing to deal with, I want to feel and lose myself in this. Take the time to enjoy myself. feel the earth quake and the glass shatter. To know that in this moment I feel solidarity. That I am going to make it through the end of life as I know it. Move on and be stronger for it. To find beauty in the destruction of everything I know. lose my sleep and focus on the sunrise. My eyes tear and I look upon the world as I made it, There is so much work to be done, Turn me slowly and calm me, Calm me and help me focus on the magic of my beauty. My life is magical and I should be thankful for that.

I am dreaming, drifting and dreaming. Dreaming within your beauty. your soft tambor, and your melodic smile. A chance meeting and I am entranced. It is a glorious and vivid memory. one I do not wish to lose, your smile and intense view of my visage, you breathe me in, take me in with every second, its an amazing experience, one I will not forget. You've transfixed me sir.

A beautiful man, a visage of kindness. His voice is a beautiful melody, the soft and soothing sounds of compassion. I cannot contain my enthusiasm You are a beautiful man, yet you do not see yourself. No one truly sees themselves. but all i see is the light of your aura, the contrast and fire... Your touch was electrifying. Maybe some day soon we will meet again, until then i will listen to your soft melody, playing in my head...

I didn't expect to feel this, to feel this rush, this thrill... it is a surprise to me. Nothing I could have anticipated. a likemind, a kindred spirit... I float down the wafting abyss and see, a dark figure... he looks at me with fire in his eyes... I smile that devious smile, We know what happens next, lets wait and see by who's course of action.

I love you, in that fiery complex way I do. How profound that I feel this. I connect to it and relish in it. Why is it that the time of year makes me feel, sentimental, caring... Lost in my thoughts and in my heart. I look in the mirror and see what I have, I focus on the nondescript future. We write our own tales and go on our own adventures. The adventure I am on is an epic one, with many stories yet to be told. No somber and pain yet, but like any good story it does have its place. All I want is this, and all I've got is you.

I am a wicked little girl, i have been bad. I do bad things regularly. Its not that I try to do them, they just happen. As if they are instinctual. it is in my nature to be cruel. To be hurtful... What is it with us little girls. We play wicked games and do wicked things, We are made with Sugar to be sweet, Yet we sour things with our complex hearts. We are supposed to be made with spice, I think Cayenne pepper is a spice and it is hot and firey, is that such a good thing? and well everything nice, I highly doubt in most cases. Otherwise we wouldn't be as cruel as we are. No underlying subtext here, Little girls are vicious. From one to another be forewarned. We succeed at what we pursue and right now this little girl, is pursuing the impossible, this little girl is pursuing her dreams. Beware if you are in the way. For I am a wicked little girl and i will play wicked little games. You will lose, and I will be victorious. Unsure? step in my way and you will see, how fun it is to tr...

I don't want to see you with anyone else, call it unfair and selfish. The thought of you touching someone else, makes my blood run cold. I want you all for myself, and yet... I want to have some space. It is a strange predicament I am in. I cannot demand it yet that is exactly what I want. Why am I making this so complicated? I see women flock towards you and all I can feel is resentment. I have this urge to be manipulative and toy with them... to see what would happen if I did this or that and grabbed your attention fully. I know it is unfair to toy with emotion like that, but the thought is there... and sometimes I feel I just can't help my self.