Atalist's Dungeon

I am at rest, or at least I thought I was. In my dark slumber I hear something... a gentle knocking at my door. I am not willing to allow entry. the knocking stirs my very foundation. A click, clank and clack hit my door. very profound thoughts. I stir again and come to realize, some people will not let me rest. will not let me be still. Someone has come to evict me from myself. I am pulled from the ground... and carried through rainy skies and dark woods. back to reality, back to the thing I am trying to avoid. 

I am afraid of the darkness. Always have been. and yet it envelopes me. cloaks me in smoke. it transports me to another world. a world of my own design. the perfect hell in which I dwell. nothing harms me but myself. nothing shakes me or stirs me. I am myself. dark and twisted little me... in my dark place. my home

I am not safe. I am in the water. the turbulent tide rocks me. I dive under the waves. The silence in the water is what I crave. Above the surface the world is ending. underneath the surface I let the air escape me. Silence, beautiful silence. I sink to the bottom... as light fades, the water enters me. We are one. A never ending circle of me in it, in me. I close my eyes and dream of the calm

you are exploring... with your knife you cut. ripping anything that is not necessary from my body. you hollow out my abdomen. I don't need a stomach to eat, I don't need a liver or any of these things you remark you rip apart my chest to find the prize... I am mangled and bloody and yet you have my heart still beating in the palm of your hand. you stick a blade through it. it silences the thumps. cutting it into two pieces... I am a shell. my victory is I shall love nothing more... for I am gone and vacant. my heart rests.

I don't want to leave... my heart is hurting, so is my back... things happen because they need to, maybe this is my happening. to give me insight, some clarity unto the chaos. well received.

I am angry, I wish there was more that could be said my words fail me in this moment. I feel like I have been set up to be disappointed. disappointed in myself and choices made for me. I lay here still in bed and I want to cry. for nothing is ever simple and I feel like the decisions made, I had little to do with.

Dance away with me, on the stage we sway. sing with me, lose yourself in the play. move with me, our bodies sing. lose yourself in me, as if it's the simplest thing.

I am dreaming, I walk the vacant road. The snow crunches under bare feet. I am wearing a white nightgown, as white as snow. The darkness envelopes me. No light or sound. Just the winter. my eyes adjust and i am found among trees. starry skies and a crescent moon. I am alone and i am content in that. I dance around in the light of the moon. my nightgown twirls around me and I feel free. blue hands and feet, do not bother me. how could they when all I had is lost. When all else fades into distant memory. I lose myself in the grey, and the cool. life's mystery is when life escapes even the young. and all that remains is a will and purpose. To be free and to dream.

I love you, Three words I have said, Three words that i mean. I love you. I know in my heart it is true. I knew the day you said it to me. I love you. It was something I always knew something unspoken and yet present. I love you. I love you for you are mine and I am yours. traded souls and traded love. complete.

oh woeful breast, why do you ache. head and heart are in agreement. For they hurt in unison. each piece of the puzzle falls into place I understand that there is a price for each piece I am awaiting to find out the cost. I know that as my heart shatters, it glitters and glints into a million tiny diamonds. worth far less than the whole who would want for me if I am broken. It is a question that has been asked many a time, and yet someone still has an answer. I retreat to my dark place. My sanctuary.

Solitude sets in, I should be writing something other than poetry. Can't help but think and this clears my head. listening to music, the melodies have a sense of longing. they reach into my heart and pull it, each strum of the guitar, each hit of the bass pulls me in a different direction. I am being split in two. neither half can survive without the other.

I am in a dark place, one of my own creation. it is a space, a place that keeps me safe. I have been hurt deeply before and this is where I came. To a place where I could set fire to my insides for sheer amusement. To a place where I could breathe without feeling without hollow gasps and tears running down my face. it is a place where I cut and fought those who were around me. no one is left, they are dead and gone and I am me. left in my solitude. In a room full of pictures of memories that I would rather forget. it is a space and a place that I can bury myself. 6 feet under where no one can reach me. I hug myself and know that I am here. I protect myself, and my broken chest. I am shattered and I know that this place will keep me. I am safe here. beneath walls, ground, heavy sky. The weight does not affect me here. I am weightless.

So dark the intent of man, I stare at a vaccant wall it makes me understand this. it causes me to stir, to squirm under the threat of it. who knew that something so bland could be so foreboding smear it with red and see the walls for what they are. constructs of blood and misery. every place we step we are walking over bodies. living in someone else's history. death everywhere. the dark con of man is that we are all doomed. death is inevitable and yet we fight it... accept the fate and live for the time we live... walking over corpses and living among them. the walking dead.

In a coffin she lies, angelic, porcelain little angel. Fabric laid over pattens of shimmering opalescent skin still is her chest, hollow and vacant of soul disembodied from her self and dormant thought. She is no more than a vessel of memory. her silk blue dress echos a time of playful joy, of a time where she played out in the woods. The villainy of the shadows in the forest swallowed soul and purpose. Exterminated life and bore darkness in a pure body. She rests and the wolf lives. it is a dark cruel world.

it is late.  I should sleep and yet my mind races.  It's like I am caught in the storm.  My insides twist and turn and yet my heart is the eye of it...  ever steady my beats are a tempest of time I feel everything and nothing.  I wish I could escape and run towards a fantasy life.  One with tropical beaches and warm misty evenings.  under a bed covered in a gossamer of fabric and sheen.  sleep and be at peace.  Be at one with myself to quell the storm. I can't do that yet. I have to survive the violence and the chaos fight the inner workings of my mind in order  to satiate the destructive force that dwells within me.  push it back to it's base principle form.  Brilliant and terrible force.  I leave nothing in my wake but a wanton soul,  weary from sleep deprivation and worry.  The storm leaves nothing in it's wake. 

I want you deep within me, touch my core and do not shy away from the movement. the biting, kissing, grasping, breathing. Feeling every moment of intensity. Deep blue eyes piercing your spirit. For my being is within the beat, follow the sound of the drums to its finish. sweet serenity, the ease to which we drift into dreams together. Held together by strong arms and a gentle smile. it is how it should be.

Touch me, Touch me the way that you want to touch me. Hold me, Hold me close and breathe me in. Feel me, Feel me deep inside. Kiss me, Kiss me deeply and taste my words. Dance with me, Hold my sex against yours and move to the rhythm. Love me, for we make a beautiful melody. 

It took a great deal of strength to bite my tongue. To not say the things going through my head. If I let loose those words from my mouth, the consequences of such an action. There are moments in my life where, it is better left unsaid... My emotions are getting the better of me...

I think of you, I wonder if you think of me when you are away. I try, try hard to be independent and focus on what I must, but I count down the minutes you are away. I miss the seconds that we aren't talking. I love the feeling of being in your presence. It's warms my heart when you smile at me, or I hear your laugh. It is a comfort and it is what I hang onto while you are away.

I look back at roads not taken. thinking of what could've been. I could have been so many things, a swimmer, a painter, an actress. I could have taken several roads, and yet the road I am on feels right for right now. It's safer not to look back, and yet how do you know how far you come without looking to your history? I have laughed, I have experienced and loved. All of these things are a marker of a life well lived.

It's a funny thing to have someone adore you,  to truly own up to it and be present in the feelings swirling around. But to have someone see you for who you really are and not shy away from it,  extraordinary.  Normally in a life time you can rely on family to keep you,  to be your rock and everything...  then someone comes along and shakes the establishment.  Makes you think differently about yourself... makes you want to learn and grow.  It is fascinating when you have more than one person do that.  I sit and stare into cerulean oceans and I see a soul.  a soul of unyielding complexities and conundrums they take me deeper into it's depths until there is only a true entity of light in front of me I feel the ease and the warmth as I allow it to envelope me.  There is a comfort and a peace that surrounds me...  only in the places that we know can we truly be set free and I am free.  A soaring blue bird into t...