Shitty Friends

This is going to be a bit of a rant so I do apologize. If you are not in for this then turn back now.

Okay, still here?

Here's the thing, I have been struggling as of late. I have been having a hard time with the illusion of friends who are not friends. I would like to call them "shitty friends". When Kolby and I split I didn't ask anyone to choose or push any agenda on people. I didn't feel like people needed to choose between him and I. We could be friends and I would put the effort in to meet them half way. Well, two years since the split and I am still dealing with the fallout.

Some of the people I thought would be there have been but then there have been people who are trying to remain friends just to know what is going on with me. Almost like a spy or rather just to know things they hang out on my social media and report back to whomever as a method of gossip. The moment I decided to go on and leave him they immediately quit putting the work into our relationship because they were more concerned with the broken and damaged Kolby. I left so clearly I am the bad guy here right?

Well, there were people in the group that decided to do the mass exodus who were important to me. I should clarify that all of my friends are important to me. Every single friend, regardless of how often we talk,  I care a great deal... so much that for some of you I have travelled through snow storms to be there or have damn near emptied my bank account to help with something emergent or important. Money to me has always been fluid and I know that I value the people around me more than I do a dollar. But what continually hurts is the people who just sit on the periphery. I have made several attempts with some of these people to be there, to chat, to do things with... to even make plans and the thing I struggle with the most is the lack of consideration. I know I should just accept that they have chosen their role and move on but seriously, the struggle is real.

So what do I do? Do I remove them and move on? Do I keep trying? I am at a loss as to how to proceed. What I will say is the people who have come through for me... those amazing people, they are cherished beyond measure. I do have a wonderful group of quality people that I communicate with regularly but I am still wondering about these people that seem to leave a pit in my stomach.

So my question to the internets is, what would you do? how would you handle this?

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