Atalist's Dungeon

 rage overtook me tonight.  I didn't expect it.  It wasn't like I was angry to start today, today started like any other day... and then I looked outside. The weather turned and turned and turned. It proved that it is unpredictable as anything today, but still. I was fine. It wasn't until I was on my way home that it hit. My bonus daughter is sick. Her school has a covid outbreak but apparently, it didn't affect her cohort? but still, she is sick. I should preface that I am not mad at her, I would never be mad at her for something that was out of her control like getting sick. Admittedly she has not been the best with hygiene but that is teenagers for you. We have all been there. But still, she is sick and it is worrying.  I came home and immediately tried to book her a covid test, to be met with frustration that they can't get her in until Wednesday. Fuck. Okay. I call her mom as there were appointments on Tuesday and am met with the third degree.. " well that...

 More recently I suffered a loss. It was distant to me as this person is someone I hadn't seen for quite some time, however, I felt it. I felt it wash over me and felt the sadness knowing that the tomorrow will carry on and she will remain. It resonated with me that her children have to go on without her as that is something I have been struggling with, having it loom. I also remembered her as she was to me, funny, kind, mom to all. Someone who wanted to know you and took great care to get the right gift or to make sure they were understood. Someone who laughed and wanted to play a game or too just for some fun. She was also a person who liked to crack a few jokes and then laugh at herself when she was unintentionally funnier than she herself had anticipated.  This loss was a hard one. Now, I have been removed from being her daughter-in-law for 13 years and yet, she was once family. I cared for her and that feeling does not dissipate just because you are no longer tied to her ...