All the emotion

 rage overtook me tonight. 

I didn't expect it. 

It wasn't like I was angry to start today, today started like any other day... and then I looked outside. The weather turned and turned and turned. It proved that it is unpredictable as anything today, but still. I was fine. It wasn't until I was on my way home that it hit. My bonus daughter is sick. Her school has a covid outbreak but apparently, it didn't affect her cohort? but still, she is sick. I should preface that I am not mad at her, I would never be mad at her for something that was out of her control like getting sick. Admittedly she has not been the best with hygiene but that is teenagers for you. We have all been there. But still, she is sick and it is worrying. 

I came home and immediately tried to book her a covid test, to be met with frustration that they can't get her in until Wednesday. Fuck. Okay. I call her mom as there were appointments on Tuesday and am met with the third degree.. " well that is a bit of an inconvenience as she has x, y, and z" and of course... are you talking to your husband because he and I are talking... yes we talk... what of it? 

Are you fucking kidding me? Alright. insist that she books the covid test as she cannot go to school. she then asks if I am going to bring her into town. No, I am unable to go to work because someone in our household requires a test. I will not pass screening. The kids are not going to school because someone in our household is awaiting test results... again, large sigh and complaint, "fine, I will come to get her when it is convenient for me" .... me fuming over here... See you tomorrow afternoon.

I am angry. She is not biologically my child, but she deserves more than that in my opinion... whatever. I straddle the divide between being a mom and not being a mom. It is about her... but I am angry. She was sick and nowhere has her mother checked in to see how she is doing... 

But that is part and parcel. So here I sit... fucking livid. 


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