Okay

I have been feeling okay. Not just okay, but more so that the world is not a dark and horrible place. 

Let me explain, 

I have had many rough things happen in the last couple of years. I lost both of my motherly figures. Both are gone in what feels like a blink of an eye. My moms, my rocks, and my support. My mom died in an arduous battle with lung cancer. My mom was a hard person, she lacked a way to communicate her feelings and was generally not the mom you saw on TV with close relationships with her daughters... My aunt however filled that void. She was constantly calling, messaging, checking in, and telling us how proud she was. She was the one who wanted to connect with us and for Carly and I, advocate for us going out into the world and being the free spirits we were. When Mom was annoyed that we were doing something she disapproved of, Aunt Kathy was there in our corners to advocate for the ridiculous things we were trying to do at the time supporting us and telling Mom of the wonderful experiences we would have... We lost Aunt Kathy to lung cancer this year in a vicious and short battle with cancer. Two of them gone in such a short amount of time and yet, we are moving into the holiday season and I am filled with hope. I am filled with warmth and smiles at the memories. The tears have long dried now and I feel succinctly that this family, my family can be "Marines" and move forward in a way that honours them.  I don't cry when a song reminds me of them, instead, I smile. I laugh at the stories we shared and the memory makers we had. If I were to list all of the amazing things I did with them I am sure that list would wrap the world ten times over. The level of magic they, just the two of them pulled off was extraordinary. So while I miss them, this is the first time I have felt okay. The world is not plummeting into the depths of awful, it is okay. It is still spinning and with that, there are experiences, joy, and fun to be found and had. 


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