Fuck you Radio

Experiencing fuck you radio today. When you go through something and then all of a sudden the perfect song finds you. It is so cathartic to lose yourself in the melody and just roll with the song and let whatever emotions come. life hasn't exactly been easy, but there have been bright spots. My mom's birthday was lovely. Challenging at times but still lovely to spend time with family. There have also been joys with the kids. Doing experiments and having cuddles and smiles when normally I wouldn't be able to. I almost forgot that my mom had cancer and that life likes to kick you when you are happy. My birthday came and I was excited and looking forward to the day... well fuck you universe. It just took one look at me and said, how like life... and then I got a phone call that mom has a brain tumor. Fuck.

the last few days have been filled with immense and intense purpose. Keeping everyone updated, okay, fed, driven to where they need to be, clothed,  etc. There was a great deal of collaboration between family members which ultimately hasn't been there for some time. This time I leaned, I leaned on my dad and my sister. I leaned hard on my rock, my love, my amazing husband. Things became nice in the midst of all of the chaos and uncertainty. There were moments of laughter and joy. We were there to support each other and to help. It was healing for all of us and the hope, the hope was there. 

It was exhausting to go through but ultimately there were lovely moments and that is what I am hanging onto. The healing and the rebuilding, strengthening of our family. We are here for each other and that isn't something I felt that I had, at least for a while. I have been staunchly independent for quite some time and focused on my own familial unit. It was time to reconnect. 

So while I have been reflecting over the past week, I listen to the Follow you by Imagine Dragons and feel all of the emotions. Tears streaming down my face and I am immensely grateful for all of it. So fuck you radio. You win this one. 

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