History, it always comes back to haunt

 Okay, Story Time! 

I went to the hospital as I usually do to go visit my mother and I ran smack dab into Jim. Yes, Jim. We had talked a little bit prior to all of this as he was having problems getting family to see his mother and was curious how my sister and I got away with both of us being able to go with dad. Dad and I went to visit and after our visit, we rushed to the elevator. When we stepped out on the first floor, an awkward visit ensued. It was strange and weird to see this person I had spent so much time hating in front of me. I just didn't have it in me to carry on the rage of hating him or really to care. It was also weird to see the passages of time on their faces (Jim and Shauna) and see the laughs, hardships stretched across their expressions. I know it shouldn't have perplexed me as much as it did, but I cannot help but think back to my past and wonder if I had challenged things earlier if my life would have gotten me to the same spot. It also made me appreciate what I have and who I have it with. I was also angry. Angry at the fact that Jim and also Kolby had time that Doug did not... time with my family, moments with them that I feel they took for granted when I know that Doug would have cherished or maybe understood my family differently from those encounters. 

I suppose at the end of the day I can wax nostalgic on all of it but what it comes down to is the here and now. Doug and I have what we have and it is wonderful. The people in my past are ghosts of a former me. Reminders of where I have come from and what growth I have made to be the person right for Doug. I will say that it is good to let go of the past but remember the lessons to pass them on so others will not make the same mistakes. 

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