plans

I thought I wouldn't be doing this again.
Yet, here I am making plans.
am I an idiot? am I just being hopeful?
Yes, I am a hopeful idiot.
That must be it.
Because after what I went through I am doing it again.
Preparing and hoping for change.
I know that this is different, I can feel that.
It just amazes me that I am there again.
I thought I had said never ever ever again.
I hate when I am made to feel like a hypocrite
Except in this circumstance.
I hate to be proven wrong,
except in this circumstance.
I am still horribly damaged.
You of all people should know that.
I have a lot of things to repair and build.
I think you want to help me... to see me be bright and shiny again.
You want to save me from my empty.
From this dark places I shove myself every so often.
You are on that road, dragging my depressed ass down it.
I am making plans and you are not afraid...
I must be losing it, because I believe it.
I am believing and hoping...

Yep, definitely and idiot.

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