I have heeded my own advice

You said that I am a dreamer,
I know that I am not the only one here.
Yet, you dashed some of my dreams.
There were a few that had more than I let on.
I look outside and see the leaves change,
I look at the array of colours outside my window,
I feel like everything looks slightly lack lustre
the yellows aren't as bright as they could be.
the reds seem to be grey and distant.
now that does seem familiar.
Green seems foreign,
as if it is a distant dream of the summer and all that it brought.
I long to hear the crickets sing and feel the warmth.
All I feel now is the bitter cold,
I hear the echo of pain passed and wonder.
What is it that I have?
Or rather what have I done?
I focus on this feeling,
the cold ache running down my spine,
All of this is familiar of a time where I was numb.
Where all I wanted was to feel important.
To feel anything really.
I lived in my head during those months,
am I about to do this again?
Struggle and fail?
Maybe there is a reason why I am here.