keep your head down only goes so far

 I have been busy. 

Keeping my head down and doing all of the tasks but I am burnt out. 

The emotional work that I have been doing is vast and expansive. I have been doing a lot. I know this and my family knows this. I needed time away. I am here and yet I can't shut it down. I can't stop. I can't take a breath because I know the work doesn't end while I am away. 

I have had all these mixed emotions and feelings about everything. I am scattered and then today I hear that one of my lifelines is retiring and leaving his profession. One less lifeline and a whole lot more anxiety. I should be okay, I understand the world carries on but I am going to miss him. 

I was hit hard by one of the people that I cared for deeply passing. He was a friend that I hadn't seen in a while and was another lifeline through a brutal time in my life. His passing shook me as he taught me how to move past. He taught me to open my heart to all the experiences and to smile through whatever life threw at me. Another lifeline clipped way too soon. 

I feel like those lifelines are dwindling but I must persist. Keeping my head down has only gotten me so far, but I also need to realize that it is a bandaid over a bullet hole. I need to reach out more, I need to enact more lifelines and I need to try harder. 

I need them. 

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