I can't cry anymore

 I don't think I have the capacity to cry anymore. It still hurts, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am too exhausted. My weekend was lovely but filled with all the things I haven't had a chance to do for my dad. I know that he was singing mine and my sister's praises this weekend but wow... drunk dad says a lot more than sober dad. He told me how I was his number 1, his rock and that he understood why I was doing the things I was doing, and that he appreciated everything I have been doing, getting the paperwork done and the logistical stuff that would be hard... (canceling all of mom's cards, preparing documents, etc...) but that I am there with him every step of the way. My sister is there too but slogging it out in her way... building things in the house, cleaning, decluttering, and teaching him skills for when we are not there. Our focus is on him. It has to be. It has also built amazing relationships between us with our dad. We are a unit and much stronger than before. I know that is what mom would have wanted. But ultimately things are still raw. The work week is good to distract but ultimately things still hurt and the random occurrences that people bring things up, just re-open the wounds. I cannot cry anymore, but know that i am in pain. 

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